I'm not K-Mart material.

At this point I am more or less ready to accept any job on the face of the Earth.  Including but not limited to:
Talking to plants
Washing toilets with my arm hair
Carrying people, either cradled or piggy back style, across streets
Manually plucking rogue hairs
Farmville surrogate mayor
Listening to plants

As you can tell it's pretty important that I get a job.  If I have a job not only will I have money, which is almost always a good thing to have, but I will have work release.  Work release allows for inmates with the privilege to exit the county jail and go to work.  The benefits are many, not the least of which involves interacting with people who are not prisoners, including all of you.  My contact would be sparse and very limited, but it wouldn't be zero.  As it stands... it will be zero.

I applied for a job at K-Mart a month or so ago, had an interview and never heard back.  Today I called them to find out what the hang up was.  I got an indignant wacko on the phone whose entire job might be to field these calls and just generally be difficult.  Clearly she's bucking for a job in the human resource field.  (By the way... who do these human resource people think they are?  This isn't a sorority, I'm not rushing, quit being an idiot and give me your explanation so I can completely demolish it.)  The short dialogue went something like this.

Ty - Hello, my name it Tyler Gall I had an interview a while back for a job I am calling to see if I was still being considered.

Barb - We're still interviewing for positions and if we have one that fits we will contact you.

Ty - You're still interviewing for what positions?

Barb - All positions.

Ty - You mean you've had my resume and interview notes for 6 weeks and find it unsatisfactory for ALL positions offered by Kmart?

Barb - If we find a position that fits we will contact you.

Ty - You mentioned that.  You know there is literally no reason on Earth that I'm not already working at Kmart putting things on shelves and/or mopping floors.

Barb - We don't think your K-mart material.

Ty - Oh, thank you, I happen to completely agree... I'm sure you're not either.  It's funny what life does to us. Even so, can I still have a job?

Barb - If we find a position that fits we will contact you.

Ty - I will be waiting by the phone.

I mean, seriously.  If you don't want me to be a snarkmaster asshole stop beating around the bush.  Somebody has to hold these people accountable.  At least call the people that you're not going to hire and say, "We're not going to hire you."

The hunt continues...

Tyler