Paula Deen: Queen of Butter, Sugar and Diabetes

It's hard not to love Paula Deen.  She's got that accent, she carries butter around in a fanny pack, she fries things that are wildly unhealthy even prior to frying.  She's lovable and accordingly she is broadly and deeply loved by many.  Now she has diabetes and she's out fighting the good fight against it.  Good for her!  Hear, Hear!!  Three Cheers for PD... right?


Something stinks.


Can't you just feel it?  Sure you can, because you have good sensibilities. 



It's hard to sniff it out because she's pretty adept at clouding your ability to smell shit in the house with some butter fried butter on a stick with cream cheese frosting and a charming southern welcome.


Here's what it is.  She's getting paid... She's taking money from a pharmaceutical company to tell us that, "Diabetes isn't a Death Sentence."  Oh Really Paula??!  Who the fuck thought it was a death sentence?  Nobody.  When my mom was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes I don't remember thinking, "Shit, this is as bad as if they'd said 'We're going to hang your mother from the gallows at dawn.'"  But now... Queen of the South, Paula Deen, who has been pushing butter-stuffed butter-balls down your throat for decades with a smile and a greasy butter-kiss, is here to save you.  


For. Real.  And she'll be beloved throughout the entire process because she's everyone's fantasy Godmother.


Maybe if Paula would come out and say, "Oops... maybe I haven't been making the best choices.  I'm going to change the things I eat and make and you should to, I'm sorry."  But, she didn't say that.  She said, "I have diabetes and here's a drug for it, now LETS GO EAT SOME FUCKING CAKES!!"  Ok, she didn't say that verbatim.  What she said verbatim was, "You can have diabetes and have a piece of cake, you cannot have diabetes and eat a whole cake."  Well, shit man... I had spent my entire life thinking it was totally normal to EAT WHOLE CAKES.   She's also made the claim that she's been preaching moderation her whole life.  REALLY Paula... where does it say in your recipe for "Piggy Pudding," to enjoy it responsibly?  FUCKING NOWHERE, because enjoying "Piggy Pudding" can only be enjoyed responsibly in the same way black tar heroin is enjoyed responsibly.  


She's also said that her show is only for, "entertainment purposes."  Entertainment Purposes?  Somebody get her some orange juice, she's having a spell.  It's a cooking show, complete with a how-to guide and specific recipe for recreating these things in your house and feeding it all to your obese family.  She might as well have just called her show DIY Diabetes with Deen.  You can't just say, "It's for entertainment purposes," and do whatever you want.  If someone started a show with a recipe for how to make  dirty bombs or a step by step guide about how to date-rape someone they couldn't just say, "oh, it's just some pithy, fantasy fun," and get away with it.


I guess what gets me fired up about all of this is that she's not taken one moment to admit that her eating habits have had anything to do with her condition and that she might actually deserve it.  Beyond that, she's not taken responsibility for handling her condition, what she has taken is a boat load of cash so she can push her drug and continue to peddle her brand of buttery crack to the addicted masses.  It's like a tobacco company offering a lung cancer treatment.  


The truth is, if she hadn't been offered this money to endorse this drug, we'd have NEVER heard about her diabetes.  We wouldn't have heard about her health at all until her over-sized heart exploded out of her chest.  She doesn't give a shit about you or diabetes, if she did she would have before she was offered a huge check and a diagnosis of her own. 


She's awfully slippery, that Paula Deen.   She's a calculating, slimy ball of buttery dollar signs, all wrapped up in a lovable southern sausage named Paula.