Happy Easter or Easter Schmeaster

A hearty and warm hello from your friend Tyler.

I hope you're having a wonderful Easter or just a wonderful Sunday.  Whether your with your family, your friends, alone or all three I hope that this is a good day for you.  Yesterday I sang many songs and had 3 very interesting and rewarding conversations.  One incredibly deep conversation with someone I've not gone there with before and one incredible guilty pleasure conversation with someone I'm routinely deep with and one comfortable conversation with someone I'm often comfortable with.  It was a very good mix and altogether, a wonderfully fulfilling, entertaining and enjoyable day.


Today, I am alone by choice, it seemed like a good opportunity to spend some time alone and reflect on just where I am on this particular day.  When I got up today I felt good, normal, happy... I meditated for about 20 minutes.  That's a relatively new habit for me, it seems to work, I shut my mind down and sit cross-legged, it seems to help me have a sense of being solid and permanent (thanks Thich Nhat Hanh).  I sent text messages to virtually ever person in my phone that I care about, I wished all my facebook people a good day and all of my daily tweeps a happy Easter as well.  Then I went downstairs and plundered the kitchen for its booty.  I flipped on the television and made fun of whatever was happening on it for a bit, took a shower and then grabbed a book and went to the porch.  I do love sitting on the porch with the dogs, watching them watch things, I wonder what's going on in their minds.  Bulldogs have such expressive faces.  If I had three wishes for them they would be: 1. That they could sweat. 2. That they could communicate. 3. That they would be with me forever.  Good friends those little monkeys are.

Then I said, "Doc, Pen... let's go for a walk," and walk we did.  A quick Easter walk with the dogs by the river.  We watched some kids playing softball and sniffed around.  Penny was pushing the pace, Doc and I were fine to lay in the cut.  The sun was out, but not in an oppressive way I was wearing my usual costume... the dogs were nude.  We sat down in the grass for a while.  I think it's probably worth doing that if you haven't done so in a while.  There's something right about touching the ground, it's a sense of feeling connected.  Not in an annoying new age bullshit way, just in an authentically organic way.  It's a feeling you can't get by touching a keyboard.  Hearing the river water rush over a log gives me the same feeling, again I can't really describe it, but I will say it's very different than the feeling I get when I hear the hum of a running computer tower.  The sounds, the smells and the tactile feeling of being outside are the probably the most important and also the least tended to.

We got back to the empty house and walked around for a minute while I considered where I wanted to park it and commence leisure.  I was struck, across my dome, by a realization.  I'm not drunk.  This would be a day that I would be completely drunk... all day... and then for several more days.  With no eating, no talking, no hope, no life.  When I would isolate I would drink, whether I isolated for that purpose I'm not sure, but that's not really a big deal.  There is a difference between isolation and solitude for me, one is dangerous and one is enriching.  It never even crossed my mind to drink.  It took what it took for me to get here and I can't spend anymore time beating myself up for requiring several vicious beat downs to arrive where I am today.  It just took what IT TOOK.  I wasn't ready to evolve, it all happened the way it needed to for me to have the day I've had today.  I never would have noticed any of that shit I talked about above and I certainly wouldn't have had the perspective to be grateful for it.  I am a long way from where ever I am going, but it is very nice to enjoy the progression.  To feel peace, to be free of paranoia and unlocked from the cage of my own lies.  I thought I knew everything, not only is that completely and totally false, but it's also very boring.  The only people you can't learn very much from are the people who think they know everything.  It's just very refreshing to know that I'm still completely full of shit but I am aware that I am completely full of shit.  For the first time since I lost my mother the world isn't a scary place and that no matter where I am I have a place in it.

I know that because no matter where I am, when I touch the ground I feel solid.  I feel like I belong.