A very wise man said that to me not all that long ago, "Life Only Goes Forward," (Thank You, Mr. Hesson). Something that seems so, slap-me-in-the-face obvious often escapes me in my day to day life. It is easy for me to overlook because A) it's a truth that is a real buzz killer and B) It requires me to be accountable in the present. Personal accountability not associated with receiving compliments and major awards (think: scandalous leg lamp from "A Christmas Story") is always a bummer.
I've spent so much time looking for the fast-forward, rewind, pause and reset button on this life of mine that I neglect the precious moments that I'm currently living in, life is not a TiVo... I just need to let that dream die (I let the dream of having a Crocodile Tail die a while back, Life TiVo is a more resilient dream). Whenever I'm in a jam (when I think about being in "a jam" I always picture myself, neck deep, in raspberry preserves... it's a sticky situation *groan*) I spend way more time trying to avoid consequences by flapping my silver tongue than I do standing up and taking full responsibility for my actions. There is no way I can go back and change some of the incredibly unfortunate (See: stupid) decisions I've made and I can't say with a clear conscience that I would be smart enough to change them even if I could travel through time. I'm not a stupid man... but I do have a stupid little kid that lives inside me who always wants to be a troublemaker and wreak all sorts of havoc. He has a louder, more persuasive voice than you might think... and he's a real asshole.
I will always spend some time pining for past experiences or yearning for future glory. It is my goal to be vigilant in trying to limit the amount of time I choose to do these things. I am someone who always needs to be reminded that I am what I do, no more and no less. It is easy for me to get caught in fantasies about who I should be and completely disrespect who I am. "Less thought and more action" is a thought I need to have close to my consciousness all the time. Despite what I often think there is no more important single moment in my life than the one I am experiencing right now. It is the only one that I am promised... the moments passed are gone forever and the moments to come, might not.
Days can be long, but life advances, sometimes relentlessly, sometimes mercifully. How ever it advances one thing is certain, this life is the only one we are certain to have, and it is depressingly short. Much too short and valuable to spend it worrying about the things I've done that cannot be changed. I need to stop attempting to mend bridges that are damaged and work hard to build new ones. I don't mean to suggest that I should abandon the islands to which the damaged bridges lead, but sometimes the old bridge is crippled beyond repair, requiring a completely fresh build.
I have a fresh opportunity every morning to put together a string of hours in which I do right. Hours that I respect myself, hours that I can choose to spend smiling. The fact is that if I do my best to do the right things, or at the very least, not do the wrong things, in each moment then I won't need a Life TiVo. No matter how deep I dig there is always an opportunity to put the shovel down and start climbing.
Ma always told me... "There's only one way to eat an elephant, Ty." To be honest, I am really effing sick of eating all these elephants... but I am still hungry.
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