Paula Deen: Queen of Butter, Sugar and Diabetes

It's hard not to love Paula Deen.  She's got that accent, she carries butter around in a fanny pack, she fries things that are wildly unhealthy even prior to frying.  She's lovable and accordingly she is broadly and deeply loved by many.  Now she has diabetes and she's out fighting the good fight against it.  Good for her!  Hear, Hear!!  Three Cheers for PD... right?


Something stinks.


Can't you just feel it?  Sure you can, because you have good sensibilities. 

Merry Happy Buffalo Holidays

Dearest of the Dear,

I hope that your Holidays are spent in accordance with your expectations.

Provided, of course, that your expectations are not shitty.

If, in fact, your expectations are shitty, I would like to commend you for managing your expectations well.  I would like to offer my most powerful wishes for these Holidays to exceed your expectations and that the spirit of the season stampede through your soul like the cloven hooves of one hundred thousand buffalo.

I hope that these Holidays mark your best ever according to the expectation to reality ratio system discussed herein.

Love,
Tyler

Cinema!! Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Part 1)

I haven't seen the film, but I've heard a few people talking about it.  This is what I imagine the story to be like.  

Humorless, Brooding, Emo, Vampire Douche and Slutty, Vampire Chaser Dingbat get together like everyone always wanted.  She wants to have some kind of bizarre inter-species romp before she becomes a cold soulless creature of the night.  He's all like, "No, we can't because I will basically beat the shit out of you with my hands and vampire dong."  She's all like, "But that's how I like it."  He's like, "Ok, but it's going to be bad." And she says... "Ooooh, yeah... I love it bad."  He's like, "No, I don't mean bad-good... I mean bad-bad."  And she says, "Yeah... bad-bad... that's what I like, have you read these books?"

Rusty Release.

Let me stumble through this first post-release entry please.  I'm not attacking this empty field with the same confidence I had 5 months ago.  I don't have all of my weapons at my disposal.  The thesaurus of my mind has rusted shut... I have some conditioning to undo before I can manhandle this flashing cursor (that seems to be begging for it) the way I like to.


My brain is mushy.

Mush Brain.


So, I'm out.  Out of jail, and it's a little strange, this free reality spools out like an end-of-sleep dream, because for a period of time that's all it was.  I couldn't allow myself to remember my life outside of that jail because it seemed so unreachable.  I have a little Shawshank thing happening, it's not bad enough to hang myself from the rafters, but there is some adjusting that needs to happen before I'm comfortable again.