Chris Brown

I'm bored with writing this already.  I suppose, though, this is a topical opportunity to say things about a sketchy degenerate.  I can't pass that up.

There's a lot going on here.

I don't care enough about this situation to really spend much time polishing a shiny essay.  Generally, I feel like most of the people who read my blog could predict with astounding accuracy what I think about it and, with a few tweaks, probably agree.

He's obviously a scum bag,

Paula Deen: Queen of Butter, Sugar and Diabetes

It's hard not to love Paula Deen.  She's got that accent, she carries butter around in a fanny pack, she fries things that are wildly unhealthy even prior to frying.  She's lovable and accordingly she is broadly and deeply loved by many.  Now she has diabetes and she's out fighting the good fight against it.  Good for her!  Hear, Hear!!  Three Cheers for PD... right?


Something stinks.


Can't you just feel it?  Sure you can, because you have good sensibilities. 

Merry Happy Buffalo Holidays

Dearest of the Dear,

I hope that your Holidays are spent in accordance with your expectations.

Provided, of course, that your expectations are not shitty.

If, in fact, your expectations are shitty, I would like to commend you for managing your expectations well.  I would like to offer my most powerful wishes for these Holidays to exceed your expectations and that the spirit of the season stampede through your soul like the cloven hooves of one hundred thousand buffalo.

I hope that these Holidays mark your best ever according to the expectation to reality ratio system discussed herein.

Love,
Tyler

Cinema!! Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Part 1)

I haven't seen the film, but I've heard a few people talking about it.  This is what I imagine the story to be like.  

Humorless, Brooding, Emo, Vampire Douche and Slutty, Vampire Chaser Dingbat get together like everyone always wanted.  She wants to have some kind of bizarre inter-species romp before she becomes a cold soulless creature of the night.  He's all like, "No, we can't because I will basically beat the shit out of you with my hands and vampire dong."  She's all like, "But that's how I like it."  He's like, "Ok, but it's going to be bad." And she says... "Ooooh, yeah... I love it bad."  He's like, "No, I don't mean bad-good... I mean bad-bad."  And she says, "Yeah... bad-bad... that's what I like, have you read these books?"